30 Something Closeout
I remember slowly erasing the month of May from the dry erase calendar in my room and feeling like damn, June is officially here. The thought of June usually indicates the full swing of birthdays for my love ones’ however, this year it hit different. This year would have me looking directly in the face of a milestone. Here I was thinking I would have it all “figured out,” by 40!
Such a humorous thought especially because often times we tend to base our “life,” roadmap on what society tells us is the “standard.” Ironically, I very rarely follow the guidelines of life because coloring outside the lines is undoubtedly more rewarding. That’s literally what I’ve learned within the past 39 years.
As I gaze into the beautiful clear blue water in Montego Bay, Jamaica I’m reminded of the beauty of simply living on my own terms. Living on your own terms frees you from the false narrative that is easily adaptable. It also allows you to create memories that matter. As I gracefully walk into #Chapter40 there are two things will remain at the forefront of my mind; Live on my own terms and always create moments that matter.
Before I close and file away #Chapter39 there are a few things I want to leave you with…..
Finding power in the silence should totally be a thing life is already busy enough thank God for the silence.
We should spend more time thanking God for all that he has done. I know without a doubt all that I have is because of HIM.
Walk away from relationships that no longer serve you and not once you’ve reached the point of exhaustion but as soon as you understand your morals don’t align.
Keep asking God to reveal people to you. Reveal them and their intentions. Despite how ugly it may seem show me who they ARE, not who I want them to be!
NO,is a complete sentence and it requires no explanation. I’ve learned the power in saying NO and observing how people treat me following a NO.
Parenthood doesn’t have to absorb your entire existence. It’s perfectly ok to prioritize yourself while being an amazing PARENT.
Children are unapologetically themselves, remember to give them space and grace to thrive in those places.
Listen to your children and I’m not just talking about what you hear verbally, but spend some time watching the facial expressions, the emotional responses to things and honor how they feel.
Allow your children to create their own experiences regardless of how uncomfortable it makes you feel. You’ve given them the tools to make great choices while learning in the process.
Love your siblings without reservations or limits. You siblings are your first best friends and if you’re lucky you’ll get to grow old with them. The thing about “sibling love,” is you have to love them through each every season of life; when they are lost, when they’re figuring it out and even when they feel they have it figured out. Grateful for my siblings while missing two dearly. SIP Tyranda and Daniel.
Never be afraid to apologize to someone regardless of the situation and never begin with I’m sorry if you felt…. Be an adult and simply admit when you’re wrong.
I’ve learned the power in not expecting “me,” in other people. Now, don’t get me wrong this was a hard one and believe it or not I struggle at times however, it’s a game changer.
Meet people where they are and accept them for who they really are instead of who you desire them to be. Sometimes it can be a huge difference in who we think people are and who they desire to be.
The spirit of discernment is a real thing, so if God has blessed you with this gift be grateful. Never let someone make you second guess the way you feel about something if you felt it unpack those emotions. I use to try to silence moments of discernment and when things went left I could feel God’s gentle whispers like, ‘I showed you.”
The willingness to forgive requires work but it’s something sweet about knowing that you’ve done the necessary work to move pass whatever issue you may have had. My Mom would always tell me, “Forgiveness isn’t for the other person, it’ for you.”
The ugly cries make all the difference, so let that ish out! Holding it in only creates unnecessary agony. Someone dear to me recently reminded me that sometimes you just need an ugly cry.
Be intentional about your health both mentally and physically. This goes beyond your workout routines and morning affirmations. Don’t get me wrong those are great tools however, scheduling routine appointments are equally important.
Bet on yourself every single time regardless of what situations may look like. You’re more than capable of achieving all that you put your mind too.
Anchor yourself in meaningful relationships that encourage and inspire you to do more. One of the greatest things that happened to me in the last two years is I trusted myself enough to let someone in and it has literally changed my life.
The best advice you can give yourself is to live life on your own terms because it offers the best rewards.
Take the time to send a handwritten card rather than sending a quick text. I’m sure you’re thinking about the idea of purchasing stamps and going to the post office however, it’s something special about going to the mailbox and receiving something other than a bill.
Pay attention to the “small things,” because everything matters. Some people may feel it’s doing too much but heck maybe they aren’t doing enough.
Find time to sit at home and be! This could be something so simple as purchasing your favorite ice cream and cuddling up on the couch to watch your favorite movie. My go-to is anything on Lifetime, I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic.
Be very intentional about loving on your parents regardless of the number of miles in between. This could be achieved via FaceTime, an impromptu visit or creating moments that matter. I honestly don’t know what I would do without my Mother’s love, encouragement and support.
Make your intentions clear in all things regardless if you’re dealing with friendships, relationships or work environments. It doesn’t matter the setting just be clear, it will save you a bunch of anguish down the line.
Set realistic boundaries while understanding that they aren’t put in place as a form of punishment but to ensure you have pockets of peace within your life.
Having a partner that supports your dreams and aspirations is ridiculously impactful to your life. Not that you have to depend on them to motivate you however, it’s nice to know you have someone that sees you, supports you and genuinely wants to see you win.
Don’t be afraid to start over as many times as you feel you need to! Trust me no one truly has life completely figured out. People rarely talk about the resets it took to accomplish their goals despite only highlighting their success.
Celebrate every single win regardless of how big or small because you’ve done the work to achieve that personal goal.
Brag about your own damn self from time to time while remaining humble. I mean, every now and then you need to remind yourself who the heck you are!
Remember God has given you the gift of being exactly who you are and never allow anyone to convince you that you aren’t enough.
Stop waiting on other people to celebrate you. Plan the trip that you’ve been wanting to go on. It’s perfectly ok to do things on your own without feeling the need to wait on someone else!
Relinquish control at times, it’s perfectly ok to ask for help without feeling you are incapable. Help shouldn’t feel like a hinderance.
Find time to read a book! Now, the key here is finding a genre you love therefore you won’t just start, you’ll finish.
Be open to the idea of exploring new things rather than being stuck in your old ways.
Trust the timing of your life while understanding everything happens when it’s suppose to. I know it sounds cliche’ but I stand on that.
Never compare your journey to anyone else’s journey because I can assure you there are parts of their journey that hasn’t been shared.
People won’t remember exactly what you said, or what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel.
Treat people with the same level of kindness and grace that you would want.
Now, this last one changed my life…. Be open to the idea of allowing someone to love you properly. Not the fluff version that you see on tv either. I mean having someone that will hold you accountable, challenge you and hear you when you speak.
Whew, when I thought to challenge myself to create this list of 40 Lessons, I didn’t know what to expect. After initially starting I understood that it would take time and patience. 40 Lessons later and here we go. Which lessons resonated with you most?