Real, Raw and Uncut….
It’s the stillness that usually pauses you in your tracks! The sharp undertone in the words that are being spoken as they slice through the outer layers of your heart. Man, sometimes things get unbearable and the only thing you can do is remind yourself that this is only a single second in this day. Hmm, now if only that was muscle memory I guess things would be a little easier.
Have you ever heard something that made you want to immediately respond but you grit down and decide not to? Well, periodically that happens to me and if I’m honest sometimes it’s difficult to not respond. It’s like in my head I hear, “No they didn’t just say……” Those are the moments when I really have to dig deep and allow myself to hear rather than rushing to respond. Now, don’t get me wrong this isn’t an easy task at times however, I’m learning to navigate through it because it’s better to be sensitive to the individual’s thoughts because I would want the same regards. I’m sure you’re thinking this must be a new thing that she’s doing with #Chapter40 but that’s not it. I’ve been skating around the emotional pool of managing my emotions for some time now because when I don’t they literally takeover.
About a year ago, I remember listening to Charlotte Louis of Senterme House share the power of regulating your emotions and it stuck because it was something I knew I needed. I just didn’t know the level of work that would be required. Now follow me for a minute, at the time you had a 30 something year old, African American, Single Mother that lived by the mindset of you have to be strong! When in reality I was all of those things plus a woman dealing with high functioning depression, navigating dating and wanting/needing to define who I was outside of Motherhood. See the thing about being an “Adult,” people tend to think we have it all figured out when at times I’m one step from completely loosing my ish!
The month of July was an entire whirlwind for me:
Traveled to SC to attend my Family Reunion. Met some new people while running into some old faces.
Traveled to Chicago to attend Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc 2023 Leadership Seminar. The seminar was everything I needed. Learned a life lesson while I was there.
Took a quick trip to Montgomery, Alabama. The circumstances weren’t the best however, God is Faithful and He protects those that love Him.
Celebrated Kahlia’s “Golden Year!” She turned 19 so you know I had to do the most. lol. Chic Dinner with friends, surprise visit from Rashad and (2) Drake concert tickets.
Relocated my son back to Charlotte, NC after a horrible incident that could have changed our lives forever. Truly grateful for God’s Grace and Mercy.
Yeah, I know that’s a lot, sure you’re wondering where did I find time for myself. Well, the answer is I didn’t which is why I’m challenging myself to do that in August. Adjusting my focus while shifting my mindset is the goal. I plan to finally finish my Wardrobe Facelift today so as I walk into a new month I can glide into my closet with a sense of peace. At times I feel life could be so sweet if I simply start shifting things around and the moment small shifts begin, I start to notice drastic reactions. Now, the thing about those reactions is sometimes those serve as table topics for “uncomfortable conversations,” however, I honestly feel the only way to make a situation better is to talk about it rather than moving on as if the “elephant,” isn’t in the room. I mean, how do you feel about it? Do you talk about things or do you pack your emotions in a box and compartmentalize things? Be honest, we’re all friends here.
30 days into Chapter 40 and I’m realizing more and more that it’s literally some non negotiable things for me and I won’t feel bad about it. With that I also understand that sometimes the things I want most seldomly happen and regardless of how uncomfortable that makes me feel, it’s a part of the journey. I started this blog early July and even though I came back and added pieces here and there after this weekend I can barely organize my thoughts to elaborate on all the things I wanted to share. I may just have to put a pretty pink pen in this and come back once I do some emotional work. I mean in between clearing my tear ducts and blowing my nose your girl is at a loss for words and that doesn’t happen often. Right now I’m #numb genuinely numb to my reality and behind the chic Gucci shades and impecable wardrobe I’m standing in an emotional war!
Who knew…. Here’s to showing up despite life erupting. 💕✌🏾